So I was like, you know

A Huge Pet Peeve

2006-04-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

I get frustrated by people who are outdated by technology and don't bother learning new things in order to keep up. There is this one guy who insists on using FilemakerPro. Can you be more caveman? Then there is this woman who knows NOTHING and tries so hard to look and sound savvy. Give it up people! Here's the thing, I think you should either really learn about technology or throw in the towel and admit that you know nothing. One thing I've commonly noticed is that people like this are usually highly educated and a little bit older. In some ways I feel bad for them, but it is their pious attitudes that turns my pitty into frustration.

Do I sound mean? Probably. I'm in a very bad mood. Can you tell?

My Feelings Are Not Hurt

2006-04-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

Honestly, they aren't. My cousin is having a baby shower this Friday night, and I was not invited. However, it is a church type event, and I do not go to their church. I can honestly say that I have had birthdays, showers, BBQ's and whatnot where she was not invited. We run in different crowds now. We were once best friends, but now we are not. I love her dearly, and I always will. I am quite certain that we will always have a special bond that no one else could have with either of us.

Vietnam Vet

2006-02-06T09:26:00.000-08:00

Lately, people have been coming up to me to let me know that they have read my blog. I have to be honest, that scares me. I realize that I am opening myself up on the internet and risking exposure by my own hand. One might not understand why that frightens me, and would even go so far as to say I'm being irrational. However, the fact remains. I am not one to open myself up so casually. Ironic isn't it?

I have had people challenge me on my views on war and my pacifist stance, and while I understand their arguments, my rationale is very personal.

I love my father deeply. He is a loving and gentle person. He lives by his convictions and that is admirable. However, two words that seem so meaningless have carried so much weight with not only him, but also my entire family...Vietnam Vet. The few things that my father has told me about war and what he did has had a huge impact on my life, and my view on humanity. Thus, I am and will remain a pacifist.

This is all I will say on this subject. Thank you.

2006-01-24T08:49:00.000-08:00

"But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him...And the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf" (Gen. 8:9-11).

God knows just when to withhold from us any visible sign of encouragement, and when to grant us such a sign. How good it is that we may trust Him anyway! When all visible evidences that He is remembering us are withheld, that is best; He wants us to realize that His Word, His promise of remembrance, is more substantial and dependable than any evidence of our senses. When He sends the visible evidence, that is well also; we appreciate it all the more after we have trusted Him without it. Those who are readiest to trust God without other evidence than His Word always receive the greatest number of visible evidences of His love. --C. G. Trumbull

"Country Boys"

2006-01-12T10:39:00.000-08:00

This was probably the most touching, heart wrenching and personal documentary I have ever seen. Chris and Cody are America's tragic heros. Their hubris is themselves and it kills to watch them repeat their heart break over and over again, but their stories, their spirits are precious.

London, England

2006-01-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, so those of you who know Heath and I realize that we are crazy Harry Potter fans. Yes! We love the sacrilegious series! We're on pins and needles waiting for Book 7 - the final book! We love Saint Potter, we love the BBC, I love Mystery, and we both love England. Lately, I have felt that this strong, firey desire to go there. I can't even explain it, and whether he was joking and I was serious, we both discussed moving to London. No joke!

Morning

2006-01-10T09:42:00.000-08:00

WILL there really be a morning?
Is there such a thing as day?
Could I see it from the mountains
If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like water-lilies?
Has it feathers like a bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I have never heard?

Oh, some scholar! Oh, some sailor!
Oh, some wise man from the skies!
Please to tell a little pilgrim
Where the place called morning lies!

- Emily Dickinson

What Next?

2006-01-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

Well, we did it. We left Greenhaven Neighborhood Church. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was as though we lost a loved one. That church has so many precious memories - not the building, but the people. Of course, the people who meant the most to us (Derk and Connie, Cindy and Kerry, Martin and Paula, Missy, Brent and Jodie, John and Rebecca) left before we did. It was like a second home for us.

Christmas was especially hard, but we're doing so much better than I had expected. Heath and I are doing a devotion with each other, and we're also going through a study with the kids. I've noticed a marked change in my walk with the Lord. I am more dependent on Him now. We've visited Danny's church and the church Missy attends, but our eyes are on the prize, Mosaic Sacramento. I am truly excited about it. The "Dada" church is in the early stages of development, but every day I imagine a place where people come together and worship Christ without the constraints of the American church, as we presently know it.

...

I had an epiphany last Sunday as I was listening to the pastor at Sanctuary (the church Missy attends). He was speaking about how the generations have negatively affected the church as a whole, but something popped into my head. I realized that it isn't so much that the people themselves have destroyed the church, but rather our prosperity has chipped away at its sanctity. I understand I am not communicating this well. What I am trying to say is this: If you look at the history of this nation, you will notice that people were more dependant on Christ during adverse times. The church was passionate. Then of course the opposite is true during prosperous times. Look at Christians in China. Their faith is fierce, and their government is extremely oppressive. Now look at Americans. We are wealthy and our faith is lacking.

This leads me to the following...Trials and tribulations are a blessing - not a punishment from the Lord, but a reminder that He is our Father and the only one who can deliver us from the sin of this world.

Caught Ya!

2005-10-27T15:36:00.000-07:00

It is always unsettling when someone calls you on stuff, especially when they speak the truth.

For instance:

Jesus mentored those 12 guys! Remember? The desciples?

Oh Yeah! But that Judas guy doesn't count!

Oh Suzy Bear! What are we going to do with you?

Window...Smelly Cat

2005-10-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

I really wish there was a window behind me. I hate not being able to just look outside. Many times I open the front door to the office so that I can feel like a part of the world. Sometimes I really enjoy working by myslef, but usually I am quite lonely. I realize that I am lucky to not have an overbearing boss breathe down my neck, but on the other hand I wish I had a friend to talk to. Penny is great to carry on with, but she is Half Moon Bay and won't be back until tomorrow.

I think stress makes me stink. I'm serious. That may sound strange, but I trully believe it does. I smell gross right now! I feel gross, too. Just greasey.

**Smelly Cat**

(Chorus)
Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault

They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favourite pet
You may not be a bed of roses And you're no friend to those with noses

(Repeat Chorus)

Rosa Parks

2005-10-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

Rosa Parks died last night. She is by far one of the most significant and unlikely American heroes. Today I heard one person say that Rosa Parks inspired not only the Civil Rights Movement, but also the rebellion against Apartheid in South Africa, the revolt in Tiananmen Square and many other uprisings against inequality. She stood up by sitting down. Thank you Ms. Parks.

On a different note, I have taken my first steps to actually serve in my community. Training for the UC Davis Hospice begins in November. I realize that working in a hospice will be difficult, but I also know that these are the people who need Christ ASAP if they don't know Jesus already.

Should I Feel Bad?

2005-10-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine from the church I currently attend asked me to fill out a survey that focused on women's ministry. I pondered the questions for a while and waited to answer the questions put forth because I didn't want to answer in the heat of passion (which I've been known to do). However, even though I sat on this survey, I couldn't help but to get extremely upset as I replied to each question.

First off, I get suspicious of anything that is geared toward any particular sex. Sure, chalk it up to my "LIBERALISM", but I for one do not understand why churches insist on separating the sexes so often. I do realize that men and women are very different, but if you continually focus on those differences, a bridge is never built to overcome the huge gap between the sexes. Secondly, I am not fond of mentoring. Let me explain this as simply as I can. If we as Christians are studying the Bible and are communing with Jesus Christ through prayer and worship, why do we need mentors? I view mentors on the same level as Christian self-help-books. Why then did God give us His Word? Now I realize that my exposure to the Local Church (a cult for those of you who don't know) has tainted my view on discipleship and whatnot, but I really must question the authority and the right that one person (who by the way is a sinner just like me) has over another. Last but certainly not least, I am tired of focusing on the inward man. I want to work. I am tired of talking about action. I want to work. Why is it that most churches these days are focused on getting people just by? "Go to church on Sunday. Pray in the morning before you go to work. Read the Bible and set good examples for your kids. Go to this small group and read about Paul" Why not. "Let's be Paul!" How about, "We're going to the AIDS hospice this weekend to serve those who are need!" Instead, churches are screaming, "No gay marriage!" Is this how God called us to be?

At any rate, I answered the questions in a not so nice way, and I do feel bad. But I really wanted to let whoever know that this is not what being Christ's follower is all about. I don't want another study book with half ass answered replies to passionless questions. I WANT TO WORK!

2nd Saturday

2005-10-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

So Eric, Lizette, Heath and I went to Sacto's Second Saturday, which I must say is quite a cool event! We started the evening out right by dining at Tapa's and then walked up J and 22nd Street to I and 19th. Then down to about 24th and K maybe. It was good hanging out with someone like Lizette who just knows me. No need for long drawn "get to know you" talks (which I am not blasting). We just get it each other because we grew up very similarly and we've known each other our whole lives. It was tres cool! Heath and Eric were having fun, talking about outreach, Mosaic North (HAHAHAHA) and whatnot.

On Sunday we both realized how lucky we are to have "happen upon" them. We've been blessed and great things are to come - GREAT, GREAT, GREAT THINGS ARE TO COME! I see the Lord's hand in all this and it is truly exciting!

My one and only ADORABLE DAUGHTER

2005-10-10T15:24:00.000-07:00

She's the one on the right.

The Birds Go North Again

2005-10-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

"Oh, every year hath its winter,
And every year hath its rain--
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.

"When new leaves swell in the forest,
And grass springs green on the plain,
And alders' veins turn crimson--
And the birds go north again.

"Oh, every heart hath its sorrow,
And every heart hath its pain--
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.

"'Tis the sweetest thing to remember,
If courage be on the wane,
When the cold, dark days are over--
Why, the birds go north again."

The birds do go north again. Lately, I have forgotten that. All I have seen are hopless rains and dreary winters through my mind's eye. Yet, I so often forget in times of despair that it is the rain, the fog, the mist, the doomsday winters that make the grass under my feet green again. I can look forward to emerald springs speckled with Cornflower, Barberry and Larkspur. I have hope. I can live through this winter all because I know what is to come.

Silent Long Enough - Katrina

2005-09-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

During the time Katrina hit, ironically, my children were with Heath’s parents in Disneyland. That was also the week I has ALL FOUR of my wisdom teeth pulled.

First a little about me…

Some know that I am not your typical American Christian. I usually vote democrat; in fact, I am a registered democrat. I strongly believe in social reform such as education for ALL children (regardless of citizenship). Public healthcare. Rehabilitation for non-violent criminals - instead of prison. And I am pro-life in every sense of the word. I don’t believe abortion is okay, but I also don’t believe in war or the death penalty.

So…

When Kanye West said, “George Bush hates black people.” I, for one, understood his message. I don’t necessarily believe that this is an issue purely about race, though. It’s mainly about the poor. And let’s face it, African Americans make up a huge portion of that class. We sweep them under the rug and pretend they don’t exist, but they do exist, they do! The attitudes of Americans - and perhaps the world – towards the poor is disdain and fear. Sometimes we accuse the condition of the poor to be of their own making – they’re lazy, they don’t want to work. I don’t believe this is how God looks upon the poor. If anything poverty stirs up compassion and action in God.

Deut. 15:7. If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks.

The poor of New Orleans did not have any way of getting out of that doomed city, nor were they offered any assistance for days on end. We can spend billions of dollars on rebuilding a country thousands of miles and way, and we can’t even offer Americans a lift out of targeted city or provide basic needs for survival.

I agree that we need to do all that we can do to help. Donate money, time, and prayers. However, it is imperative that we look at went wrong here. We need to point fingers to promote change in the system. There were gaps on all levels of government, local, state and federal. That is a HUGE problem, and one that needs to be handled so that those who are less fortunate are not forgotten and left in harms way again.

Luke 1:52 "He has brought down rulers from their thrones, and has exalted those who were hungry. He has filled the hungry with good things; and sent away the rich empty-handed."

Can you honestly say that you weren’t disturbed by the images of the young, helpless children and babies who for THREE DAYS did not receive ANY assistance?

I try hard not to share my political views simply because most people I know do not share my outlook, and that is okay. The fact still remains, we have been called to serve the poor. Protecting those who lead are nation in the name of God and then turn their backs on the poor is shameful.

And for those of you who say, “Well, there will always be poor people, and there is not much we can do about it”:

Prov. 29:7. The righteous is concerned for the rights of the poor; the wicked does not understand such concern.

Prov. 14:31. He who oppresses the poor reproaches his Maker, but he who is gracious to the needy honors Him.

Mt. 25:31-46. "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. And all the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on His left.
Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'
Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite you in, or naked, and clothe You? And when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?'
And the King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'
Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.'
Then they themselves will also answer, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?'
Then He will answer them, saying, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

Testimony Of A Former Porn Actress

2005-09-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

The Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn

Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say “I want you” is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to “fake it” with. That’s right none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much you can hear them vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights…
But the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. The truth, porn actresses have showed up on the set not knowing about certain requirements and were told by porn producers to do it or leave without being paid. Work or never work again. Yes, we made the choice. Some of us needed the money. But we were manipulated and coerced and even threatened. Some of us caught HIV from that coercion. I personally caught Herpes, a non-curable sexually transmitted disease. Another porn actress went home after a long night of numbing her pain and put a pistol to her head and pulled the trigger. Now she’s dead.
It’s safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn’t grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they’ve experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbors. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive through as we perform our tricks for you in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We’re traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of YOU who continue to abuse us.
As we continue to traumatize ourselves by making more adult films, we use more and more drugs and alcohol. We live in constant fear of catching AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Every time there’s an HIV scare we race to the nearest clinic for an emergency checkup. Pornographers insist giving viewers the fantasy sex they demand all the while sacrificing the very ones who make it happen. In other words, no condoms allowed. Herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other diseases are the normal anxieties we walk around with daily. We get tested monthly but we know testing isn’t prevention. Besides worrying about catching diseases from porn sex, there are other harmful activities we engage in that are also very dangerous. Some of us have had physical tearing and damage to internal body parts.
When porn actresses call it a day and head home we attempt to have normal healthy relationships but some of our boyfriends get jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors while others of us prefer lesbian relationships. It’s a real memory making moment when our daughter accidentally walks out and sees mommy kissing another girl. My daughter will vouch for that one.
On our days off we walk around like zombies with a beer in one hand and a shot of whiskey in the other. We aren’t up to cleaning so we live in filth most of the time or we hire a sweet foreign lady to come in and clean up our mess. Porn Actresses aren’t the best cooks either. Ordering food in is normal for us and most of the time we throw up after we eat because we’re bulimic.
For porn actresses who have children, we are the world’s WORST mothers. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high and our four year olds are the ones picking us up off the floor. When clients come over for sex, we lock our children in their rooms and tell them to be quiet. I use to give my daughter a beeper and tell her to wait at the park until I was finished.
The truth is there IS NO fantasy in porn. It’s all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star’s life will show you a movie porn doesn’t want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can’t do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us the next fifteen years so God will hear and repair our ruined lives.
So don’t believe the lie anymore. Porn is nothing more than fake sex and lies on videotape. Trust me, I know.
by Shelley Lubben – Former Porn Actress
Dedicated to all the porn actresses who caught HIV, died from drug overdose and committed suicide.

Beyond, Beyond, Beyond

2005-09-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

I enjoy reading Alex McManus' posts. I especially his latest one. We are so led by what the world tells us to see that we cannot see beyond what we have been taught to see.

I come from a background of meaningless observations, critiques and debates on theology, eschatology, doctrine and dogma. The very thought of seeing beyond all that is so refreshing. God directs us not so much through our intellect but through our utter dependence on Him...when we give up and see beyond the streets, buildings, cars and televisions. I believe that through our dependence on the Lord we are able to move beyond the world's answers, the world's ways, the world.

On another, slightly different note...

This weekend Heath and I watched "Contact" starring Jodie Foster. While it is not my favorite movie (one that reveals how bad of an actor Matthew McConaughey truly is), there is a part in the movie that I imagine we might say when we truly see God. She travels to Vega through a wormhole and looks out the window to see the most amazing, most beautiful "celestial event".

"Some...celestial event. No! No words! NO words...to describe it!
Poetry! They should have sent a poet! It's so beautiful! I have no idea. I have no idea."

She gives up her notions of the universe. She gives up "science". She just gives up. Thinking about it gives me the chills. Here's a woman who has been portrayed as an agnostic scientist who comes to the realization that there is something so much bigger than herself and the earth. Can you imagine what our lives would be like if we saw the face of God?

Good Friends

2005-08-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

The kids are in Disney Land with grandma and grandpa. Heath goes to “Doodle” (my nickname for his accountability group) on Tuesday nights. Tonight, however, I accompanied him and am visiting with JODIE!!

Tonight as I sit at Jodie’s desk, I realize how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. Heath is in the living room with Brent and Martin while Jodie and are endeavoring to finish our 2 year old cross-stitches! Occasionally, I can hear one of the guys saying, "But is that what the church is for?" Heath is obviously in heaven when he is fellowshipping with his good friends. I find it peculiar that Jodie and I are quite content with our needles and movie ("Paradise Road"), while the guys are laughing, yelling and arguing! Men and women are truly different, and I have finally realized that is OKAY!

Neat Blogs

2005-08-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

Look on the side bar under GREAT LINKS to see the neat blogs I've been visiting lateley.

As for the new icon, I think Dadaism is how we should approach the church. Forget all that we learned. Forget "the way things are supposed to be". It is time to move beyond all that.

Art

2005-08-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

There has been much discussion about the recent art show displaying human cadavers by Von Hagens. Some are fascinated by it. Some are disgusted in it. Others think it is just plain sick. We all have our opinions on this particular subject. However, the argument "that serious art" doesn't appear from just any where, or that the history of art - rather the TRADITIONS of art should be followed by all artists are invalid arguments. Those two clearly refutable points alone dilute any glimmer of creativity or innovation. Inspiration is not some systematic thing one can pull from books, and who is to say that one person's inspiration is true while another's is false?

Jackson Polluck's famous paint splatters made news not only in the art world but in American households, as well. Some praised his modern edge while his vocal critics compared his work to a child's finger painting. And that was the key! He was seeing the world from a child's eye. He was able to capture a child's vivid imagination and BEAUTIFUL innocence on huge canvases. That IS art!

Human beings are so afraid to look inward. Art is supposed to make us think outside the box and most of us don't like to think beyond our perfect little worlds. While Von Housons cadavers may seem tasteless, he forces us to look inside ourselves, literally, and what is so wrong about that?

We shouldn't close the discussion with simple expletives that are easily debated. Rather, we should use Von Housons' art as a stepping stone to the one true artist, God. Have you ever looked at the human body? I mean really looked at it? The symmetry of the skeletal and muscular structure is perfect! The function of every organ and how each one is connected to the other is astonishing! The complex circulatory system alone is mind blowing! Yes, the human body is art, and God is the artist!

Heath Dalrymple - WHAT A MAN

2005-08-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

When I think back on my life, it is hard to remember anything before Heath. I suppose in many ways life really began for me after I met and fell deeply in love with Heath. Heath and I pretty much knew within months that we would marry and spend the rest of our lives together. We, of course, had some trouble spots here and there (some might say that is a slight under statement). Our "baggage" did not make the sweetest mix, but our passion some how managed to keep us afloat. But more than that Heath's burning love for God really kept us together. I could tell early on in our relationship that he had a heart for the Lord, but it never really hit me just how much until (in my mind) our marriage was over. At the time I was going through some heavy therapy - childhood trauma and whatnot. I literally went off the deep end. Having to deal with ghosts from the past, raising young children and keeping a marriage intact was not an easy feet, and one that I was letting go of quickly. There was a period of time that seemed so empty and hopeless, but Heath just kept praying and loving me. When I told him I hated him, he told me he loved me. When I hurt him deeply, he kept me safe. It was then that I realized how blessed I was and amazed that God knew the whole time that this giant of a man would be the one who would display Christ's love to me.

The Lord blesses us with our mates and every day we take that blessing for granted. We forget what life was like before them. We sometimes blame our pain on them. The simple fact of the matter is we abuse a precious gift God has entrusted with us on a daily basis by simply not acknowledging that very blessing. Granted, we are human beings, but forgiveness is what leads us to unconditional love.

Thank you Heath for being my true love and daily blessing.

Board Meeting

2005-08-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Here I am sitting in the "Sutter Room" at the Hawthorne Suites. Mary Helen, the CSLA treasurer, is going through the Budget. We have cut things left and right. Most committees have been cut down from $2000.00 to $500.00 per year. My boss and sainted, adopted mother, Penny, has cut her salary in half. To be honest, as an outsider of sorts, I sit at these board meetings and am continually shocked at how much these caring and hard working people expect to be catered to. I suppose they want the compensation due to them that their school districts withhold from them. However, at $30,000.00 per year for these board meetings, I cannot conceive how they could make all these cuts with clean consciences.

This is the problem with education in general - committees, bureaucracy, red tape and over spending on trivial things that don't even support educating children. I am saddened by their lack of vision. It makes me never want to be an educator. The entire BS you must endure and the callused attitude you must adopt in order to survive turns my stomach.

...We're gonna have a good time. Happy birthday to you!

2005-08-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Presents:

Earrings
$$$$$$$$
The Carter Family CD
Allison Kraus and Union Station CD
White Stripes CD
Rose
Lavendar bath soap and salts

I've had a pretty nice birthday so far. Last night Heath's parents had a family celebration for me. Even Rich, Tay, Joe and Ian were there. It was really sweet! I am blessed!

Happy Birtday, me & SELF CONTROL!

2005-08-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I will be 32! 32! That is old! I'm old! Last night my good friends Martin and Paula had a little birthday celebration for me. We went over to their house to swim, eat and have fun. I am truly blessed to have one of my closest friends be one of the best bakers in town. Paula made one of the most amazing cakes of all times. The frosting was perfect! It was rich, but it was still surgary enough to be sweet. Sometimes I wonder why God has blessed me with such caring, sincere and honest friends. It isn't always that you meet people like the Balzers, let alone be great friends with them.

This morning I woke up groggy and grouchy. I got mad at Graeme and snapped at him. Why do I do such dumb things? It is as though I am the child. I can't stand it. I really can't. Self control is what I need to work on the most in my life. I am not a child. My whole life seems to be marked by my impulse reactions. LOVE IS PATIENT